Yes. This. Always assume that what the other person has to say is worth listening to.

Originally shared by Dave Higgins

When I checked G+ this morning, I saw that Kiki Jewell had commented on a mutual acquaintance’s post that:

“It’d be nice to see a posting of something men can proactively do that’s happy and positive, and results in a situation that makes us all sexually comfortable. Where men take responsibility and shoulder some of the burden of healthy sexual relationship for both.”

Today seems like the ideal day to give that a try. Not because it’s #InternationalWomensDay, but because it’s always an ideal day to do something worthwhile. So, here goes.

Most proactive thing I can think of that men can do? Be someone who is open to discussion.

Not in the narrow in-the-middle-of-sex sense of saying you’d like to try something now, letting them raise a concern, then trying to convince them to do it, but as close to all the time as you can manage.

Anyone, anywhere, any situation, be open to discussion. Live the belief that other people’s opinions are worthy of consideration. Evangelise for reason having value.

Really. Properly. Not just when it will get you something, but even – especially – when it might not.

Wondering what you get out of it? Time for a story.

Many years ago, a friend of a friend had a bouquet of roses left on her doorstep without a note. She had my friend check whether they were from me. They weren’t. When my friend relayed back that they weren’t, she commented that it was a shame: she wasn’t interested in me, but if they’d been from me rather than one of the other possibilities, it wouldn’t have been creepy. Which was a pleasing thing to hear when the message was passed to me.

Not sharing this to suggest I’m perfect. Rather, to point out that striving to respect everyone’s agency even when it didn’t serve me, made me not creepy.

Which is a good thing in itself.

And means that there’s no need to be constantly on edge that the slightest innocent thing might be misinterpreted.

What should men do that’s proactive? Instead of focusing on active consent when you think you’re about to have sex, be a person who lives the consensual nature of society.