by Mike Reeves-McMillan<\/p>\n
\u201cYour grandmother\u2019s been hacked again.\u201d My mother\u2019s voice over the phone held a note of resignation.
\nI sighed. \u201cWhat is it this time?\u201d
\n\u201cLibertarianism. She spent all afternoon going on to me about John Galt.\u201d
\n\u201cCould be worse. Remember back in May, when she was an unironic Pastafarian?\u201d
\n\u201cYes, and in January it was Communism, and before that she was a Men\u2019s Rights Activist.\u201d
\n\u201cThat was a weird one. All right. I\u2019ll call her.\u201d
\nAs soon as my grandmother answered, I hummed the hook to Nicky Minaj\u2019s \u201cStarships.\u201d
\n\u201cHello, Gran,\u201d I said. \u201cHow\u2019s it going?\u201d I hummed the hook again.
\n\u201cAndy, good to hear from you,\u201d she said, and in a different voice, \u201cTo say \u2018I love you\u2019 one must first be able to say the \u2018I.\u2019\u201d
\n\u201cThat\u2019s good,\u201d I said. I hummed the hook a third time, which got me admin access.
\n\u201cUpdate antimirus and perform a scan,\u201d I said, and hummed the hook.
\nMy grandmother said, \u201cHave you met any nice young men lately?\u201d
\n\u201cOne or two,\u201d I said. \u201cNobody I want to make a permanent part of my life yet.\u201d
\n\u201cWell, you\u2019re still young. And how\u2019s work? The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity, you know.\u201d
\n\u201cI know, Gran. Work\u2019s going well. I start a new contract next week, in fact.\u201d
\n\u201cMoney is only a tool,\u201d she said.
\nAs we chatted, the antimirus searched out and deleted the memetic intrusion, and the proportion of Gran to Ayn gradually shifted in her favor. After about 20 minutes, I set antimirus updates and scans to occur at 2am daily, for what good it would do. She would only deactivate it again. Claimed it slowed her dreams down.
\nWe chatted for a little longer, and then I called my mother.
\n\u201cWe really need to install something that protects her better,\u201d I said.
\n\u201cLike what?\u201d
\n\u201cWell, skepticism works pretty well. She\u2019s got the system specs for it, nothing wrong with her brain, she\u2019s just incautious about what she runs on it.\u201d
\n\u201cSkepticism? Can\u2019t you at least make her UU?\u201d My parents are Unitarian Universalists. I\u2019m not, but, as UUs, they\u2019re OK with that.
\n\u201cNo offense, but UU isn\u2019t hard-edged enough to protect against most miruses. I mean, I suppose I could install Mennonite, that at least would protect her next time Cousin Louie shares a Second Amendment link. And she already has that nice headscarf you gave her.\u201d
\nMy mother was silent for a few seconds, thinking.
\n\u201cHow about just an enthusiasm for science? Would that be enough?\u201d
\n\u201cWe could try it. It\u2019d keep her from falling for Aunt Darlene\u2019s anti-vax stuff, at least, or Aunt Florence\u2019s natural-health scams. You want me to do it tomorrow?\u201d
\n\u201cAll right. The sooner the better, before she becomes some sort of truther.\u201d<\/p>\n
A few days later, my mother called me again. \u201cIt\u2019s your gran,\u201d she said.
\n\u201cWhat, she\u2019s been banned from Twitter for stalking Neil deGrasse Tyson?\u201d
\n\u201cIf only. No, she\u2019s been watching the Discovery Channel.\u201d
\nI sighed. \u201cAncient astronauts?\u201d
\n\u201cAncient astronauts.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
by Mike Reeves-McMillan \u201cYour grandmother\u2019s been hacked again.\u201d My mother\u2019s voice over the phone held a note of resignation. I sighed. \u201cWhat is it this time?\u201d \u201cLibertarianism. She spent all afternoon going on to me about John Galt.\u201d \u201cCould be … Continue reading