Near where I lived at the time I wrote this (2002), there’s an opportunity shop called St Margaret’s Church Shop. Every time I saw the name, bits of dialog like the following started running through my head – in the voices of the Pythons, especially John Cleese. Obviously deeply significant…<\/p>\n
Scene: St Margaret’s Church Shop. Assistant <\/strong>is behind Bell rings. Enter Customer<\/strong>. Looks around nervously.<\/em><\/p>\n Exit<\/em> Customer.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Near where I lived at the time I wrote this (2002), there’s an opportunity shop called St Margaret’s Church Shop. Every time I saw the name, bits of dialog like the following started running through my head – in the … Continue reading
counter.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n
\n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n Can I help you, sir?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n Oh – ah – yes. I’m looking for a church. Are you St Margaret?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n No, sir, I’m her assistant. She has the day off on Thursdays.
What were you looking for exactly?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n Well, I don’t know. What have you got?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n Is it for yourself, sir, or as a gift?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n Oh, for myself.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n Yes, most people wouldn’t take one as a gift. Well then, the Anglican here is one of our most popular models. Classic styling – been around a long time. Very flexible, wide range of styles – a wide variety of people like it, and they often find it very comfortable.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n Well – it’s a little fancier than I –<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n Oh, you’d prefer something simpler? How about the Evangelical? Enjoyed wide popularity most of the last century. Very durable, hard-wearing, no-frills kind of church. Were you thinking denominational or non-denominational?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n Oh, I don’t really mind.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n Well, the Baptist is a popular model. Straight, conservative,
a very respectable brand of church.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n Well, perhaps that’s a bit too<\/em>…<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n Oh, were you looking for something a little more adventurous?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n Well – yes. I mean, not to excess, of course, but…<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n I quite understand. More recently they’ve started making the
Baptist model in Charismatic. Would that interest you at all?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n Hmmmm. I have heard that the Charismatic is a little – well –
unstable.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n Yes, I have to admit that they have been known to split
occasionally, but of course our warranty would cover that – and really, they’re making them much better these days. Really reduced the number of defects. Oh, except for the ones
with the Toronto Blessing option, of course. I wouldn’t say this to everyone, but you clearly like a more conservative church, and the TBs are – well, they just haven’t got the design right yet.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n Yes, I’d heard that.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n Or there’s this new line. Just coming into fashion. The
Post-Evangelical. Not everybody’s church, but for those who are starting to find the Charismatic a bit dated – after all, it was originally a 1970s design…<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n What features does that one have?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n They’re still trying out various ones – it hasn’t settled
down yet. Liturgy – do you like liturgy?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n Weeell…<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n They don’t all have liturgy. They mostly have the arts,
though.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n I can’t say I really…<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n And then there’s spirituality. A sense of exploration and
journeying. Questioning, without necessarily seeking after definite answers. Living life in a permanent state of uncertainty…<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n I don’t think I should like that at all.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n No, no. I daresay you wouldn’t. So, where did we get to?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n You were showing me the Charismatic.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n Oh, yes, the Charismatic. Really very mainstream now, you
know. Don’t be put off by its resemblance to the Pentecostal.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n Oh, I know better than that.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n Good. Though the Pentecostal is becoming very mainstream too,
and if you wanted to look at a few I’ve got some out the back…<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n\n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n No, no, don’t bother. I’ll take this one.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n Thank you, sir. Cash or charge?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n Oh, charge, please.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Assistant<\/strong><\/td>\n There you are, sir. Have a good eternity.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n \n Customer<\/strong><\/td>\n You too.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n